Why We Always Need Teachers, Gurus or Masters, No Matter How Much of an Expert We Are

by Lora | Jun 2, 2018 | Mind

Maybe you are like me. Maybe you are an expert at certain things, because you have done them for a long time, and because you are passionate about them. But did you know that even experts need teachers, gurus or masters to inspire them and help them grow? No matter how good we are at things, we always need someone there to guide or mentor us, so we can continue to evolve.

Why? Because it’s easy for us as humans to get stuck in a rut, even without realizing that we are stuck!

And when we get stuck, our brains get stuck too, hardening into habits, beliefs and attitudes that may not serve us as the world around us continues to evolve.

You Can Teach and Old Dog New Tricks But Without Practice, It’s Hard! (Literally)

The human brain is very adaptable. In infancy and childhood the brain is very malleable, and learning and assimilating new information is easy to do. As we age, our brains become more fixed, and change becomes more difficult. But this does not mean that change is impossible! This simply means that we need to make more of an effort to seek out opportunities for learning, opportunities for growth and expansion, in order to keep our brains functioning at their prime.

The brain is like a computer. The connections (thoughts, patterns, beliefs, habits) we use often, are stronger than the connections we use infrequently. This is why habits that we’ve had for decades are much harder to break than habits we’ve only recently acquired. When we are young, very few habits and patterns and connections have been set. When we are in school, learning sports, music, language, our brains are constantly being re-wired, challenged and re-arranged. So, like play-dough, our brains are shaped and reshaped again.

Once we settle down in our lives, we truly do begin to settle. We leave school, we leave some of our childhood hobbies behind because we have work or family obligations, we become good at our job, our relationships become set, and so does our brain. Like play-dough left out for too long without being manipulated, our brains begin to harden and form. Which can be good. Until it isn’t.

Unlike our hardened brains, the world continues to evolve. Technology changes, rules change, relationships change, children grow, parents age, and jobs are lost. Suddenly, we realize that we too need to adapt. But when we try to learn, we realize how hard it is! And we get frustrated and we want to quit!

But instead of quitting, all we need to do is add water and stir!

How Having a Teacher, Guru or Master Helps Us Adapt

No, our brains aren’t really hardened. With a little water and a little mixing, we can once again make our brains as malleable as they were when we were young. Keeping our brains flexible allows us to learn, grow, change and adapt to our circumstances at any age. How do we do this? Through working with a teacher, guru or master. Working with others keeps us fresh, keeps our brains soft and moldable and keeps us in the habit of learning, so whenever we are called upon to adapt; we can.

Whether it’s a teacher, who can teach us something that we don’t know, a guru who can walk us along a path that they themselves have walked, or a master, who can push us to a different level of understanding or skill, continuing to learn throughout our whole lives is vitally important. Not only because it’s fun to learn and expand, but because it helps us in the long run. Working with others allows us to continue to challenge ourselves, it creates new connections in our brains, and it keeps us flexible and easily adaptable. Working with others is like sprinkling water on our paly-dough. Which is a smart thing to do.

Because the world continues to change. And we need to be able to change with it. Comfortably.

Who’s Driving Your Life? True Power and the Fallacy of Force

by Lora | Apr 13, 2018 | Mind | 1 comment

We like to think of ourselves as being strong and capable, and for the most part, we are! But because we live in a world that makes us believe we can make, or force, things to happen, we lose touch with the fact that the only thing we can control is ourselves. No matter how much the world tells us otherwise, we cannot make anyone else do what we want. And paradoxically, our true power lies in the absence of force; in the realization that although we cannot control anything, but that we still need to stay at the wheel. We still need to steer our own course for our own benefit.

We all have dreams, goals and desires, and it’s perfectly acceptable to go after our dreams, to fight for our goals, and to pursue our desires. Often times, our hard work and dedication pays off, and we achieve exactly what it is we desires. Psychologically it’s good for us to plan, prepare and have projects that we are working on.

The problem lies in the fact that we have been conditioned to think that we have control. That we will be rewarded, in kind, for our hard work and dedication. That if we pay our dues, we will be allowed in the club. That life is fair, and that we deserve things. Our thinking becomes black-and-white. Most of us believe that either;

1) We have complete control over our lives, and if things aren’t turning out the way we want, we simply have to buckle down, work hard, and force it to happen; or

2) That we have no control over our lives, we are at the mercy of God/family/friends/our job/our health/or financial situation/our living situation/the world, and that no matter how much we try, our ship will never come in.

While neither of these extremes are accurate, most of us lock into one extreme or the other. Then, over time, we look for evidence that supports this belief. And as we find this evidence, it supports our belief as to how the world works, and our belief gets stronger. Eventually, the belief is so strong, that it becomes our world view, and it shapes the course of our life.

Bully Syndrome– My Way or the Highway

If we believe that we have the ability to force our will, or desires, or dreams onto others, then we turn our attention, our true power, away from ourselves. When we shift our focus or our power away from our self, and focus it on others, we engage in a type of coercion. Even when the relationship is mutual, whenever we are trying to get someone else to do something for us, we turn over our power to that other person. We become imbalanced, because all of our energy goes towards how we can make others fill us up. Instead of filling ourselves up, instead of creating for ourselves, we seek to have others do the work for us, on our behalf.

While it may sound appealing to have others do the work for us, in reality, it weakens us. It moves our power outside of ourselves and places our responsibility for our self on others. We become reliant on them, and without realizing it, we have turned the wheel over to them. We can holler out directions, but they are the ones who are truly in charge. We are no longer driving our own lives, and we are relegated to being a back-seat driver in our own existence.

It’s not My Fault! Excuses, Victim-hood and Taking Your Hands OFF The Wheel

Similarly, when we believe that we have no control over anyone or anything, we hand our will away just as much as when we try to control others. The perpetual victim correctly sees that they have no control over others. However, instead of doing what they can to influence or change themselves, instead of at least trying to drive, they simply take their hands off the wheel. They don’t drive, nor do they seek out other competent drives to assist them. They careen along, being knocked about by every bump, twist or turn. And life does get bumpy for the perpetual victim!

Moreover, the perpetual victim seems not to notice when good things happen, but only notices the bad. They create a self-fulfilling, poor me, belief system, and subconsciously they use the power that they do have, to perpetuate their dejected reality. They literally steer themselves into the ditch! So, although the victim may actually be more powerful than the bully, in that they understand that they cannot control others, they use the power that they do have, to create more victim-hood!

Defensive Driving, and Balancing Our Power In Life

The key to creating a healthy, successful life, lies in bridging the gap between these two extremes. In understanding that we are in charge of driving our own lives, and that although we may use others to assist us, that we are the only ones who can steer our own course. We have to take responsibility for the fact that sometimes we crash, and as crazy as it sounds, sometimes we crash intentionally. Whether it’s fear of failure, fear of success or some other deep, subconscious reason, sometimes we intentionally crash our own lives. And that’s okay. As long as we have awareness about what it is we have done, and we take responsibility for our choices and our actions, we will learn from our mistakes. We can correct our course.

We are all the bully and we are all the victim. We are in charge of our own life. Take your own wheel, and be mindful about who you allow to drive for you. The road may be bumpy or smooth, but it’s not the road’s fault. Take the wheel when the going gets rough, and be mindful of where you are steering.

Everyone crashes. It’s what you learn from those crashes that counts.

Jealousy, Envy & Why We Love to Watch Others Lose …and how to FLIP it around for our own benefit

by Lora | Feb 9, 2018 | Mind | 1 comment

Much of the rhetoric around the Superbowl consisted of football fans saying they “wanted the Eagles to win because they were tired of the Patriots winning.” OMG! How terrible is that?!?! In a culture that celebrates winning, and often times even encourages people to win at all costs, where does a statement like that come from, and psychologically, what does it mean? How can we want to win so badly, yet at the same time, condemn and despise those who do win routinely?

Even in our own lives, are we truly happy for our friends when they win a promotion or get a new car, or find a new love interest, or buy a new house? Are we honestly and completely thrilled for them, or are we a little bit envious too? What about when two of our friends really hit it off, leaving us in the dust? Jealous much?

At its core, jealousy and envy are nothing more than triggers, which have pointed out something within ourselves that we are trying not to acknowledge. But with a little bit of knowledge and understanding, we can tame the green-eyed monster and learn how to better ourselves thought the success of others.

The Difference Between Jealousy and Envy

Jealousy and envy are different! Jealousy involves three people and takes place when someone else is threatening to disrupt a situation between us and another person. Whether it’s a new hot-shot at work, coming in to woo our boss, another person flirting with our significant other or someone coming between us and our friends, jealousy involves some sort of triangulation.
Envy only involves two people. Envy is where something wonderful happens to someone else, and we have a hard time being happy for them. Either we want that thing to have happened to us instead, or we feel they didn’t deserve it, but we do! Envy is the experience of not being able to celebrate another’s good fortune because we have reverted to self, and to our desire to get what we want.

Jealousy Triggers and How to Overcome Them

We will not be provoked unless we feel threatened. Stop and re-read that sentence. We will not be provoked, unless we feel threatened in some way. Notice I didn’t say unless we are threatened. Actual threat doesn’t matter. What matters is our feeling of being threatened.

Which leads to the next questions; why do we feel threatened?

In the case of jealousy, it’s easy to put the blame on the third person, but really, the emotion is about us, not them. Whenever we perceive a third party as coming in and destabilizing our relationship, it means that we are afraid of change. It doesn’t matter if that change is good or bad, it only means that we will have to change, and to our subconscious mind, all change is perceived as a threat.

The best thing to do to manage jealousy is to first acknowledge that you are feeling jealous. Then, you can ask yourself who is making you jealous and why. Once you have the who and the why, ask yourself what you are going to do about it. Don’t lament the fact that change is on the horizon. Change is perpetually on the horizon! Instead, cycle through all the possible options you have, from the absurd to the rational, and begin figuring out what you are going to choose to do. Getting comfortable with your choice empowers you to lead the changes in your life, instead of getting swept up in a current of change.

For example, when a hot-shot comes in a work and threatens your position as a top producer, it means you will have to change. You can choose to learn from them, seek out other sources and to better yourself. Notice I did not say “beat them”. You may or may not beat them, and that’s not the point. The point is, you accept that change is inevitable and you embrace that change for yourself. You can choose to stay the same, to stay in your comfort zone, and learn how to come to terms with not being the top sales person. But the focus needs to stay on you and the fact that everything takes place in you, because of you, and not a result of the other person.

Done right, experiencing jealousy empowers you, because it allows you to take stock of, and to manage your life proactively!

Envy Triggers and How to Overcome Them

Whenever we see another person receive something that we want, it points out that which we find to be lacking in ourselves. It doesn’t matter if it’s something that is actually lacking in us or not, it’s our perception of lack that triggers us. It forces us to confront some sort of scarcity within us. Even if it’s just the perceived scarcity of something as elusive as good luck.

One of the best ways to manage envy, like jealousy, is to first acknowledge that the emotion is coming up. Then, ask yourself what you perceive to be missing from your own life? It doesn’t matter if it’s silly or not. Be honest with yourself. Next, ask yourself what you can do about it.

If you are envious of your best friend’s new relationship, even though you are happily married, what is that showing you? Could it be that date nights are lacking in your marriage? Could it be you are lacking a certain freshness and excitement that you wish you could recapture? Then make those changes! If you are envious that your best friend just had her first grandchild, and your kids claim they don’t want kids, what is that bringing up for you?

Although you can’t force other people to give you what you want, you can figure out the root cause of your desire for grandkids. Is it because you don’t feel you can retire unless there is a reason? Is it because you miss being with kids? Is it due to latent feelings of guilt that you weren’t a better parent, and you somehow made your children not want to parent? Is it simply the fact that you haven’t come to terms with your children’s decision, or perhaps you felt forced into having children? Whatever it is, once addressed, it allows you to make positive change in your life. It points out, that which is missing within, giving us the opportunity to acknowledge and address our own fears and needs.

Envy can also challenge us to acknowledge our own negative thinking habits, allowing us to become more positive people. For instance, in regards to the Superbowl, instead of negatively saying, “I want the Eagles to win because I’m sick of the Patriots winning.” flip it around to “I want the Eagles to win because they’ve never won before and I love sharing the love with teams who have never had that kind of an honor.”

Go deep within the feelings of both of those statements. They will be different!

What do they bring up for you, and what are you going to do about it?

Overcoming Disaster in Four Steps

by Lora | Jan 16, 2018 | Mind

Sh*t happens. Frequently! And the reason the phrase, “When it rains, it pours” exists, is because when bad stuff happens, it seems to happen all at the same time. And it stinks! But don’t despair! Even when the train goes waaaaay off the tracks, even when you think you will never get back on track, you can still recover, and even be happy in spite of (or maybe even because of) your bad luck.

All you need to do is step back, take a deep breath, and follow these four steps.

Step One: Find Gratitude Wherever You Can

This is not about being a Pollyanna or blindly quipping that “every cloud has a silver lining.” Finding gratitude is about noticing what’s good about your terrible situation and being grateful for those small blessings. Even when it seems callous or ridiculous to do so.

The day my grandma passed away was a terrible day, for obvious reasons. But, the timing of things was such that I was able to teach my workout class without a last minute scramble for a sub. The weather was wonderful, everyone was in town, and she passed away with quite a lot of dignity.

It was easy to overlook these small blessings, to focus on everything that was terrible and wrong with the situation, but that didn’t help. Finding gratitude did. Finding gratitude is a skill. The more you practice looking for it, the more things you will find to be grateful for. And the better, and luckier, you will feel.

Step Two: Put Your Situation in Perspective

Don’t you hate it when you are trying to tell your story, and the person you are talking to one-ups you and starts in telling you how their situation is much worse than yours? While that is one of the worst things another person can do to us, it’s an important thing to us to do for ourselves. We read the news. We watch TV. We know people who… and knowing these facts helps keep our own disaster in perspective.

Last week I experienced a major sewer-line disaster that will derail me financially for years. It has impacted my entire family and it has made for some uncomfortable and stressful situations. There are going to be serious and far-reaching consequences, but it will not impact my relationships. It will not diminish the joy I experience walking my dogs or reading my book. My finances will change, but I will still eat. I still have a home. In five years’ time, the impact will be gone.

Having perspective is similar to having gratitude, but it is more of an intellectual acknowledgement in one’s own head as to the proper scope of the disaster. Gratitude is more in the heart. Life moves on, no matter what, and having perspective means acknowledging this fact. Your life might not look how you planned, but still going to move ahead. Have perspective. See your situation intellectually and without attachment. Don’t allow yourself to miss what is, by focusing on what could have been.

Step Three: Realize What You Can Control and What You Can’t Control

You cannot control what happened to you, but you can control the result of your disaster and you can control your reaction. Ask yourself, “What can I do right now to make myself feel better?”

Right now I can make myself a cup of tea. Right now I can light a pretty candle, sit up tall, take a few breaths and smile. I can go upstairs, bush out my hair and put on some jewelry. Why? Because it will make me feel better. Nobody else is going to comfort us, so we might as well get busy making ourselves happy.

When things go wrong, it’s psychologically important to exert control over the things that we can. It keeps us out of victim mentality and it makes us feel more in control. Find what you can control and proactively choose your actions.

This extends to our actions with others as well. Take the lessons learned from your disaster and educate others through your loss. Your disaster has imbued you with wisdom. Spread the gift of this newfound wisdom to others. Some of the most beautiful things on earth have been the result of unspeakable disasters. You may have been handed some pretty sour lemons. What kind of lemonade are you going to make?

Step Four: Look for Deeper Meaning

What has your disaster taught you? Is this situation a metaphor for something else in your life? If everything happens for a reason, why did this happen to you? When I literally had sh*t burbling up from the sewer and filling my house, I started thinking about the metaphoric sh*t in my life. Was I was stuffing down too much sh*t? Did I need to clean out my sh*t? Did I need to deal with my sh*t? What was my deeper lesson here?

Whether my sewage explosion was truly a sign from the universe or not, in my mind, thinking about the deeper meaning of my disaster gives me control. I take myself out of victim mode and I regain control over my life. I see the steps I can take to reduce the amount of shi*t, both metaphoric and literal, that’s filling my life. I can be proactive, rather than reactive. And I feel better, knowing that I’m actually doing something to make things better.

Disasters happen. To all of us, all throughout our lives. Some are big, and some are small, but no matter what happens to you, you can recover. Not only that, you can thrive! All it takes is a little gratitude, a little perspective, knowing what you can and can’t control, acting instead of reacting, and looking for the deeper meaning.

In the words of Martin Luther King, “We Shall Overcome!” And overcome we shall!

How to Overcome a “Post Holiday” Hangover

by Lora | Jan 9, 2018 | Mind

Welcome to January! You know, that month where you realize that you did, in fact, gain too much weight over the holidays. And then, mid-month, when credit card statements come in the mail, you also realize that you spent way too money. And later on, near the end of the month, you realize that somehow, despite your best intentions, you have already blown your New Year’s Resolutions. In other words, by the end of the month, most of us feel some combination of being unhealthy, broke and depressed.

But don’t despair! No matter how bad you blew it over the holidays, (honestly!) you can still recover. All it takes is a little forgiveness, awareness, and wisdom. With these three simple steps, you can get back on track and have a happy, healthy and prosperous 2018, no matter what transpired over the holidays!

Forgive Yourself

The first, and most important place to start, is in your own heart and soul. We all make mistakes. Yes, you may have drank too much, sent an embarrassing text, lost a job, spent too much money, quit working out, yelled at your sister; whatever. The first step is learning how to forgive yourself. Learning to love yourself, unconditionally.

It doesn’t matter what you did. You did it. It happened, and you have to deal with it, and yourself. Forgiveness is not about absolving oneself from guilt. Nor is it about making excuses or laughing something off. It’s about digging deep, realizing the full extent of your mistake and owing what happened. It’s about understanding the full impact of your actions, the consequences to yourself, and those around you.

It’s about identifying the emotions around your actions, feeling your shame, embarrassment, guilt; and dealing with those emotions. When we allow ourselves to feel and acknowledge our emotions, they guide us towards right action. Whether that means making amends, moving on or getting help for ourselves. Understanding our actions on an emotional as well as a cognitive level allows us to fully process and release our actions. Instead of stuffing our feelings down, we learn from them, and we grow healthier and wiser in the process.

Truly forgiving oneself is not easy. Nor can it be accomplished overnight. Forgiveness is a process that, like grief, has many stages. Keep working on it! The past cannot be undone. Put yourself in somebody else’s shoes. If they did what you did, would you forgive them? We tend to be much harder on ourselves than we are on others. Extend yourself the same courtesy.

Understand the Impact of Your Behavior on Others

Next, seek to understand your actions and the consequences of your actions. Not why you did what you did, but what you did Moving into the why’s tends to create blame. It doesn’t’ matter why you spent too much, reached out to your ex, yelled at your children, or got drunk. It only matters that you did.

What is the result of your behavior? What did it create in your life that wasn’t there before? What are the consequences? Not the potential consequences or the watered down consequences, but the actual consequences to yourself as well as to others? Make a list. Ask around. Be open to learning, to understanding the impact of your decisions.

Once again, put yourself in another person’s shoes. If someone had done this to you, what would you want them to do? Do that! Or quite simply, ask others what they would like you to do in order to make amends. Seek first to understand. Fix what you can fix. Let the rest go. It’s time to look forward, not back.

Rejoice in Choice

One of the biggest mistakes people make when moving ahead and creating positive changes in their lives is putting too much pressure on themselves. Dreaming big is wonderful but we need to be realistic too. Dreams are not accomplished overnight. Two steps forward, one step back is to be expected. Remember the age-old question – How do you eat an elephant? The answer is – One bite at a time!

Yes, you can get your finances back on track. You can lose the weight. You can be happy. But maybe not overnight. Every day we have multiple opportunities to choose. Choosing to make coffee at home instead of going out seems like a simple choice, but coupled with other small choices, it becomes monumental. Choose to smile, to hold doors open for others, to pack a healthy lunch. Choose to donate, swap or borrow instead of buy. Call your credit card company and ask to have your interest rate lowered. Read articles on managing debt. Take a walk. Go to the library and check out workout books or DVDs. Meditate. Pray. Choose kind words. Forgive others. Choose tolerance. Breathe in. Breathe out. Make every choice count.

Grant Yourself the Serenity to Accept the Things you Cannot Change, the Courage to Change the Things you Can, and the Wisdom to Know the Difference

Make a list of things you can control and all the things you can’t control. We can never truly control others, but we can always control ourselves. Yes, we may be fat, broke and miserable. Our life may indeed be filled with others who impact us negatively. We may be burdened by our own past actions. But we can’t control the past. We can only control ourselves in the future.

We can control each moment, each choice, exactly as it comes to us. Each moment. And the moment after that. And the moment after that. Our lives are lived one day at a time. Days are nothing but a collection of moments, a collection of choices. Choose wisely. Remain conscious. It’s the only way to change your life.

Forgive yourself. Witness and learn for your mistakes. Then choose again. The next moment is always there, presenting us with another opportunity to choose.

So what do you choose? Joy, happiness, prosperity and health are literally just a collection of moments away. Every moment is a choice, and every choice moves us towards our goal or away from it. Accept that which you cannot change, and have the courage to create a future that you can be proud of. Yes, we can all be healthy, happy and prosperous. It’s simply a matter of choice.

Just like eating the elephant, life isn’t lived all at once. Life is lived in a series of bite-sized moments. Choose each moment wisely.

Reaching Your Breaking Point – How to Identify and Eliminate Stressors BEFORE They Break You

by Lora | Jul 17, 2017 | Mind

Have you heard the idiom, “It was the straw that broke the camel’s back?” This illustrates the point that while we can take a lot, at some point, we all reach our breaking point. Whether that means losing our temper, getting sick or sliding into depression, none of us want to reach our breaking point. Just like the camel, many of us are burdened slowly, adapting to our ever-increasing load, until one day when a seemingly innocuous little straw is placed on our back, and we break for what seems an insignificant reason.

The parable of the frog in pot of boiling water illustrates a similar point. Put a frog in a pot of boiling water and it will panic and struggle to get out. Put a frog in a pot of tepid water, slowly turn up the heat, and the frog will sit quietly, allowing itself to be cooked alive.

Our Emotional Warning System

As self-preserving organisms, we are equipped with our own built-in guidance system that allows us to identify when we are being pushed to our breaking point. When we experience feelings of overwhelm, frustration, anxiety or stress, it’s our body’s way of letting us know that we are reaching our breaking point.Contrary to what we may believe, it is not normal to experience chronic states of stress, overwhelm, frustration and anxiety. These emotions are danger signals, and it’s crucial for us to be aware of what these emotions are signaling, and to take action before we reach our breaking point. Before we find ourselves with broken backs. Before we find ourselves having been boiled alive.

Negative or stressful emotions are danger signals, signaling us that we need to make a change. If we don’t, we suffer the consequences. Even if we don’t have a full-blown breakdown, the resulting consequences can be mental problems, emotional outbursts, relationship problems, anger issues, impaired job performance, the inability to connect with others, a decreased capacity to feel joy, chronic inflammation, diabetes, unexplained pain, weight gain or worsening feelings of hopelessness.

Breakdown of the Emotional Guidance System and the Resulting Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

When we treat these emotional warning signals for what they are-signals warning us that we need to make changes – and then we make those changes – we recover. Our bodies, minds and spirits heal and we return to a natural, normal state of calm alertness. But when we fail to respond to these warning signals, when we keep-on keeping-on, fighting down panic and pushing ahead, we force our bodies to adapt in unhealthy ways. Forcing our bodies, minds and spirits to live in state of chronic hyper-stimulation and anxiety short-circuit all of our natural survival mechanisms. Like any machine forced to run beyond its capabilities, we eventually break down.

By forcing our bodies to integrate negative and stressful emotions into our everyday lives, without respite, we adapt. We forget what it’s like to feel peaceful, calm and centered. We believe it’s normal to live in a state of heightened anxiety, to feel stressed, overwhelmed and frustrated, and this becomes our new normal. A new baseline is set and suddenly we think we are feeling good when we are truly feeling stressed. We have changed our brains to believe that stress and anxiety are normal states of being, making our emotional warning system ineffective. By being stoic and brave we train ourselves to allow more negativity and stress, until one day – often without warning – we reach our breaking point. Our back breaks or we realize that we have been boiled alive.

Decreasing Stress and Anxiety in Four Steps

Fortunately, we can reverse course on this phenomenon and return our stress and anxiety baseline to a healthy, normal level. All it takes is self-awareness, dedication and a commitment to living in a life of joy, peace and harmony.

Step One

Identify a time when you felt calm, peaceful and centered. When you were alert, contented and neutral. Not elated, just neutral. A time when you simply felt good.

Step Two

Identify when you experience negative and stressful emotions. Don’t judge them or try to change them, just notice when you have them. Get a little notepad that you can carry with you. Keep it with your cell phone and every time you fiddle with your phone, write down how you feel mentally, physically and spiritually.

The notes might look something like this:
Irritated, pent-up, silent.
Frazzled, blob-like, vindictive.
Tired, sore, far-away.
Energetic, bouncy, filled with song.

Do not try to avoid having emotions, or deny what you are feeling, simply identify what you feel.

Step Three

Once you are aware of what you are feeling, consciously feel those emotions. Spend up to a minute consciously feeling the emotion that you have identified. How does this emotion feel in your head, your heart and your body? What is it like to be that emotion?

Step Four

After you have allowed your body, mind and spirit to experience these emotions, consciously return yourself to a place of neutrality. To a place of peace. Return to a neutral, natural, rational state of peace and then deal with whatever is causing your negative or stressful emotions, repeating the process of identifying and feeling any negative emotions that pop up in the process, and continuously and systematically returning yourself to a state of peace and neutrality.

Stress-Free Living

We are the camel. We have to unburden ourselves every time we are burdened or risk running out of capacity and breaking. We are also the frog. We have to stay aware of our surroundings, of what is happening to us at all times, or we will be boiled alive without our knowledge. Our emotions and feelings are the tools that allow us to stay alert, aware, safe and happy. All capacity is finite. We are not weak, we are human and we have limits. Let’s learn to honor those limits before it’s too late.

Kicking Bad Habits by Dehypnotizing Yourself

by Lora | Feb 9, 2017 | Mind

Waking Up From Everyday Brainwashing

Many people use hypnosis in order to overcome subconscious blocks and create positive change in their life. But sometimes, the faster, more efficient rout to change is learning how to becoming un-hypnotized, or dehypnotized in our everyday life. Learning how to wake, up, become conscious, and take steps to dehypnotize ourselves, is fast, easy and effective. And the resulting change can be profound!

We’ve probably all heard about subliminal messages, brainwashing, compulsion and mind control. To some degree, these phrases all describe what is simply; a hypnotic state. Contrary to popular belief, most of the everyday brainwashing that happening is not the result of some evil master-mind, potting to take over the world. Everyday brainwashing is simply the result of us living in a modern, busy, distracted and stressed-out society.

If you have a habit that you can’t seem to break, even though you really want to break it, you might not need therapy. Instead, you might need to learn how to dehypnotize yourself from your own brainwashing! You might simply need to wake up from a chronic state of hypnosis that has kept you locked into undesirable thoughts or behaviors.

How Brainwashing Works

Hypnosis is a natural state that we move into and out of about seven times a day. When we engage in any type of repetitive, or mindless activity, we tend to slip into a state of hypnosis. When we are confronted with too much stimulation, too rapid of speech, or too much conflicting information, we can also slip into a state of hypnosis. TV and radio advertising is specifically designed to induce a state of hypnosis. Religious services, bombastic political speech, repetitive exercises, mealtime and smoking breaks, also tend to put us into a state of hypnosis.
Hypnosis is not scary, evil mind control. Hypnosis is simply a state of increased suggestibility, where people are more likely to take action without critically analyzing that behavior. Although hypnosis cannot persuade us to do that which we would not otherwise do, it is highly effective in persuading us to do that which we normally would do. Hence, why it’s so easy to talk ourselves into continuing on with our own negative behaviors.

How Brainwashing Occurs

Think of everyday brainwashing like this. You are zoned out on the couch, watching TV, and a commercial for pizza comes on. The commercial has bright colors, close ups of a delicious looking pepperoni pizza, and a rapid-fire, extra-loud, announcer tells you all about the latest, act-fast deals. All the while, rhythmic music is coinciding with the rapidly changing visuals. That night, you decide to order pizza, even though you are trying to eat out less or lose five pounds.

As designed, the commercial put you into a state of hypnosis. It worked on the subconscious mind, and “suggested” that the pizza was really tasty, was a great price, and created an urgency to order it. Later in the day, when you ordered pizza, you were simply acting on the advertiser’s suggestions. You were not awake enough to critically think about the consequences of your decision, so you ordered a pizza, despite wanting to eat better and takeout less. This is what every day brainwashing looks like.

Failed Diets, Smoking and Being Stuck in Hypnosis

The same thing happens each and every time we sit down to eat a meal or smoke. Part of the reason that dieting and smoking-cessation is so difficult is because eating and smoking puts us into a state of hypnosis. We literally go out of our critical mind, and into a state of unconsciousness, almost every time we eat or smoke! We become lulled by the repetitive action of smoking, chewing, swallowing, using our utensils, cutting our food and timing when we take a drink. Our senses become overloaded with the sight, smell, taste and texture of our food or our cigarette, and bam, into a state of hypnosis we go!

Just like the pizza commercial example, we become highly suggestible to our own bad habits, and we eat, or smoke indiscriminately. Conscious thought is circumnavigated, and we are no longer aware of our sensations of fullness or our desire to get healthy or create positive change. Instead we eat whatever is in front of us or wander out for a smoke break, without critically analyzing what we are doing or why. Sometimes we are so out of it mentally, that later, we can’t even remember what we ate or how many cigarettes we had!

The solution is learning how to wake up. Learning how to dehypnotize ourselves and recognize when we are being brainwashed by our own bad habits.

How to Dehypnotize Yourself

There are several ways to go about learning how to wake up, remain conscious, or dehypnotize yourself. It’s easiest to begin with something that we do consistently, like eat meals, or smoke, so we have the opportunity to practice consistently.

Whenever we are confronted with behavior that we are trying to change, try counting yourself up, into a state of full, awakened consciousness. Begin by saying silently to yourself, or out loud if you are able, “Zero, one, two, three, four, five, eyes open, wide awake!” As you say it, do something physical that makes a sound, like clapping your hands, snapping your fingers, clicking your tongue or patting your thigh. Take a deep breath, and with a forceful exhale and consciously clear your mind and focus on being alert and present. You can repeat this whenever you sense that you are slipping back into a day-dreamy or disconnected state.

Changing up as many things as possible surrounding the activity we are trying to change is also useful. If you normally sit in a certain chair, or smoke in a certain location, move to a different chair or go to a less convenient place to smoke. Eating, or smoking, with your non-dominant hand is a fantastic way to stay conscious about our own behavior.

Put the phone down. Turn off the TV and concentrate on tasting the flavor, texture and temperature of every single bit. Swallow. Take a breath before taking another bite. Notice your hunger level. All of this keeps us awake, alert and out of a state of hypnosis.

Dehypnotizing Our Way Out of Bad Habits

It doesn’t matter if we are trying to quit smoking, eat less, not bite our nails, overcome stuttering, sleep better, study more effectively, declutter or meditate consistently. Learning to dehypnotize ourselves is a powerful and effective place to start.

Wake up! Get out from under your own brainwashing and see how clear you own life can be!

New Year’s Resolutions with Heart, Soul and Hypnosis

by Lora | Jan 17, 2017 | Mind | 17 comments

Sadly, making New Year’s Resolutions has become a superficial endeavor. Every year, millions of people resolve to “get in shape and lose weight.” Gym memberships spike for one month, and by February, everyone is back to their same old patterns. Year after year this cycle repeats, and opportunities for personal growth, enlightenment and soul-filled resolutions are lost.

We are multi-faceted beings of light and spirit and when we make decisions, we typically make them with the conscious portion of our brain based on what we think we should want or even what we think others expect us to want. In order for real, deep and abiding change to occur, it is essential that our minds, emotions and spirits all come into alignment with our resolution. Since the subconscious mind never lies, unless we ensure that our resolutions are made on both a conscious as well as a subconscious level, true change can never take place.

It is possible to break out of these dysfunctional cycles and connect to our core being, heal, commit, grow and evolve as we truly wish to evolve.

The first step is to identify our thoughts, beliefs and feelings about the change we are about to be making. Once we have identified what is holding us back, we will be able to commit to our resolutions consciously as well as subconsciously. While working with a skilled hypnotherapist can lead to rapid change, it is possible to do much of the work on your own.

How Does Hypnosis Work?

Hypnosis provides access to the subconscious portion of the mind, allowing us to consciously align the subconscious mind with the desires of the conscious mind. This means that we can quickly and efficiently learn and unlearn a variety of behaviors. Of course there is still work to be done in creating the new, desired pattern, but hypnosis makes it significantly easier.

The conscious mind is the logical, reasoning part of our brain that we make decisions with. It represents 11% of our mind’s power. The subconscious mind represents 88% of our mind’s power, so even if we firmly decide something with our conscious mind, unless we bring our subconscious mind into alignment with our conscious mind, it can be very difficult to be successful, because we have 88% of our mind blocking our efforts!

Finding Our Subconscious Blocks

The first step in successfully creating change is figuring out what subconscious blocks may be hindering us. Sadly, because they are subconscious, they tend to be difficult to find.

A way to begin exploring these blocks is to ask yourself the following questions:

• Can I imagine or visualize myself where I say that I want to be? Thirty pounds lighter, in a successful job, as a permanent ex-smoker? If not, how far can I get with my vision? What is scaring me?

• Is there anything in personal history or beliefs that runs counter to my resolution or desire? For example, was I raised in a traditional household where women did not work outside the home, or where divorce was a sin? Even if I don’t believe these things now, how they are still a part of my subconscious programming?

• Are there any stories I can share about bad things that happened to people who achieved what I want to achieve? For example, do I know someone who lost weight, but lost their marriage in the process?

• What am I gaining from my behavior? Do I like having to go out and smoke three times a day at work, breaking away from the stress of the work environment? Will I miss these breaks?

• All relationships change when one person in the relationship changes. How will my relationships change when I am successful with my resolution? Are there any other changes or impacts that I can foresee?

• How do I feel about the current behavior that I wish to change? For instance, how do I feel about being a smoker, or being overweight or underemployed? How do I think others feel about this behavior? How do I feel, about how I think others feel about my behavior?

• How does my resolution feel in my body?

• Does this resolution support my greater good?

This set of questions is designed to elicit insight about your thinking, beliefs and behavior, which are all related to subconscious blocks to success.

Sometimes, simply being aware of our subconscious blocks is all that it takes to release them and begin the process of change. Once we are aware of our thinking, beliefs and behavioral patterns, we can consciously create new patterns that serve all of our needs.

If we continue to smoke, because we enjoy fiddling with cigarettes and escaping the office stress by going out to smoke, then we can come up with solutions that meet our conscious need to quit smoking as well as our subconscious needs to fiddle and escape. We quit smoking, but we purchase a squishy ball to fidget with, and we set a timer on our phone and take a quick walk away from the office every few hours.

All change is a process. All processes take time, and all processes consist of successes as well as failures. The key lies in continual improvement and insight over the long-haul, not necessarily in the short run. Working only with the conscious portion of our mind is not very effective, but when our entire mind is on board, we can’t help but succeed!

Post-Election PTSD and Anxiety

by Lora | Nov 11, 2016 | Mind | 3 comments

PTSD and the Election

Since the election cycle began, I’ve been overwhelmed with clients urgently needing appointments – not because of their weak constitution or their inability to see both sides of an argument, but because their Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD has flared up.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Definition and Symptoms

PTSD is defined by the Mayo Clinic as a condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event – either one we experience ourselves or one that we witness, resulting in:

1) Uncontrollable Memories: Reoccurring, unwanted, highly distressing memories of the traumatic event, flashbacks, nightmares, intense dreams or severe emotional or physical reactions to stimuli.

2) Negative Thinking and Moods: Feeling negatively about self and others, the inability to experience positive emotions, feeling numb, hopeless or worthless or having little interest in activities or friends. Experiencing memory and relationship problems.

3) Changes in Emotional Reactions: Experiencing irritability, angry or aggressive outbursts or behavior, experiencing overwhelming guilt or shame, feeling on guard at all times, having trouble concentrating, relaxing or sleeping and being easily startled or frightened.

How Common is Trauma or PTSD?

Experiencing severe trauma is not unusual. According to the National Center for PTSD, 6 in 10 men and 5 in 10 women experience severe trauma in their lifetime. Seven or 8 out of every 100 people experience PTSD at some point in their lives, meaning that 8 million adults are impacted by PTSD.

How the Election Causes Anxiety

Several common trauma-inducing topics have been prevalent in this election. Bullying, sexual assault, body shaming, ageism, sexism, racism and nationalism.

Statistically speaking, most Americans have been impacted by one or more of these topics and many Americans experience some level of anxiety or stress, if not full-blown PTSD as a result of these behaviors. Repeatedly having statements broadcast on TV, spoken about by friends or posted on social media that remind us of our traumatic experience means that we are being repeatedly assaulted by that which causes us pain, anxiety and PTSD symptoms and that we are increasingly becoming more and more anxious, stressed and dysfunctional.

Hateful Post-Election Rhetoric

When others say hateful things to us, they are really expressing their feelings of grief and betrayal at their hearts, traumas and experiences not being heard, acknowledged or held with dignity and respect. They are not necessarily attacking us, they are merely begging for compassion and love. And when we say hateful things, we are asking for the same thing from them.

When we share our hearts and our traumas with the world, we expect the world to listen and to validate our story. When others fail to validate us and our pain and instead support that which has caused us pain, we become threatened. We no longer feel safe, we feel that our pain doesn’t matter, that we have not been heard and that we are worthless. We feel betrayed and our PTSD-like symptoms skyrocket. Once again we are placed in the position of having to fight for our dignity and self-worth, and because we are survivors, we fight hard.

Hearing political comments that remind us of our trauma, that show to us that we have not been heard and that others do not care about us forces us to relive the worst moment of our worst day over and over again. It forces us right back int o fight-or-flight mode, and we attack viciously, which does not allow us to heal. All we need in to heal is to be heard. All we need is a little compassion.

Trump Induced Anxiety

This election reminded me of one of my worst fears; that being good and kind and truthful and honest doesn’t pay off and that fear, threats and coercion do, and that no matter how hard I tried to do good, I’d still lose because I am unworthy.

Watching and listening to Trump I was reminded of the big, strong, popular high school bully who assaulted me and threatened to kill me if I didn’t give him what he wanted. I am reminded of my classmates who didn’t believe me and of the principal who told my parents that we better not get a restraining order against him because he would lose his scholarship and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for ruining his life.

When I hear people say that they support Trump, it provokes my anxiety. I am reminded of all of the fears and feelings I experienced in my traumatic situation. I feel worthless and my pain is invalidated. I hear that bullies who use fear and threats matter more than someone who tries to do good and I get afraid that I will be hurt. It doesn’t matter if it’s rational or not, it’s simply what comes out of the subconscious mind when I am provoked.

Rage is Neutralized by Compassion

This is why there’s so much rage this election. It’s not about economic plans or the military or the economy. It’s about the majority of us who have experienced trauma and who are being repeatedly traumatized by what’s being said and done around us that reminds us of our worst day.

It’s about our hearts and our stories and our belief that others may not think we deserve to exist.

For the next four years, when we see hate, let’s stop and remember our worst day. Let’s remember how it felt when somebody we trusted poured salt in our wound and let us recognize when we inadvertently pour salt in somebody else’s wound too. It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about listening and allowing each other to heal.

Let’s not question the validity of the wound or explain why we didn’t mean for the salt to hurt the wound or why salt doesn’t hurt our own wounds. Let’s just listen, acknowledge the pain and hold some space so healing can occur.

Let’s be kind. Let’s have compassion and let’s choose to hold every hurting heart that we come across. Holding hearts and having compassion don’t mean we have to agree with anyone. It only means that we gently say, “Yes, I understand, I’m wounded too and I understand that you are experiencing pain.” That’s it. That’s all it takes in order for us to all heal each other together.

The Dangers of Labels and Stereotypes in Politics – How to Remain Conscious During Election Season

by Lora | Oct 22, 2016 | Mind

Why do we Label Others?

We all get taken in by false labels. At one time or another we’ve all picked up a magazine at the check-out counter based on the cover photo and headlines – Lose 10 Pounds in 10 Days! Throw a Halloween Party that will Leave Everyone Cackling with Delight! – and we’ve all been disappointed when the article didn’t live up to its headline.

Labels are quick, convenient and designed to grab attention and trigger action, bypassing critical analysis or conscious thought. Buy Now! Limited Quantities! Don’t Delay! Whether we label merchandise, groups or individuals, labels serve the same function; the ability to quickly sort information without a lot – or any – conscious thought or critical analysis.

The Benefits and Dangers of Labeling People

Police, fire, medical and military personnel all wear uniforms so we can quickly identity the roles they play. In dangerous or life threatening situations it is imperative to move quickly without having to think and analyze multiple pieces of information.

Imagine a catastrophic situation where none of the emergency personnel are dressed in uniform, and how confusing it would be not knowing who served which function. On a societal level it’s good to collectively know and honor certain labels and stereotypes. Emergency personnel are good people who help us in emergencies and it’s in our best interest to collectively defer to their authority, ensuring safety for all.

But there’s a dark side to labels as well, one that causes us to warp and twist facts in order support the label, instead of critically analyzing the facts and changing the labels when the facts no longer support the label. This behavior traps us in a world of self-created beliefs, devoid of consciousness or truth. We no longer think, analyze or reason. We become unconscious and when we are unconscious we become passive players in our own world.

The Negative Effects of Relying on Labels

Being knee-deep in an election season, I recently realized how much the labels of Republican and Democrat impacted my view of the candidates and how unconscious I had become as a result.
As a former lawyer, my method of analysis consisted of knowing the law, knowing the facts, applying the facts to the law in order to reach my conclusion.

In the political realm, this meant knowing the Republican and the Democratic Party Platforms, knowing the facts about each candidate and applying those facts to the party platforms. Of course, this presupposed that I myself fell squarely within one of the party platforms. After reading all 35,467 words of the current Republican platform and all 26,058 words of the current Democratic platform, I confirmed that I was mostly a Democrat, but not 100% so.

It became apparent to me that I was not the only one who had been unconscious and confused by the parties’ labels. The candidates and party leaders themselves didn’t consistently act within the bounds of their own party, nor did the behavior of the general public, claiming to be aligned with a certain party or candidate, reflect their own parties’ philosophy.

My attempt to critically analyzing each candidate devoid of their label made me realize that our political labels were useless at best and misleading at worst, dragging us all into a state of unconscious passivity as a result. It was so much simpler to remain unconscious, seek out information that supported my preconceived notions about the candidates, slap on labels, vote a straight party ticket and call it good.

How to Remain Conscious Despite Labels

The best way I found to neutralize the impact of labels and keep myself conscious was to assign each candidate the opposite label of what they wore. When I labeled Hillary as the Republican, I found myself characterizing her experience as binding her to the status quo. When I labeled Trump as a Democrat, I found myself excusing his comments as being done for entertainment value only, and not being quite as concerned as I had been about his temperament.

Having studied both parties’ platforms and analyzing the facts about each candidate with both a red lens as well as a blue lens, I feel like I’m politically conscious and awake for the first time in my life. I know that the candidate I’m voting for is the one who truly reflects my values, beliefs and priorities, regardless of the label or the party to which she’s been assigned.

Perhaps it’s time we all woke up, before it’s too late.

The Relativity of Reality

by Lora | Oct 17, 2016 | Mind

The Fiction of Facts

We have all seen images like the one above, showing how the same object looks different from different perspectives. Most of us understand and appreciate this concept to some extent, but when push comes to shove, we still believe that our own point of view is the most correct. Life constantly asks us to make judgments and decisions based on the facts at hand, but what we forget is that most of these so-called facts are relative. There is rarely anything that’s universally right or wrong and that no two points of view will ever be exactly the same.

It’s all About Perspective!

I was an attorney for an insurance company for many years. One of my areas of practice was defense litigation. My company sold insurance plans to companies wishing to provide health insurance for their employees.

One type of plan that a company could purchase was a self-funded plan. A self-funded is basically a catastrophic coverage plan. It has a lower premium because the company “self-funds” employee claims up to a certain dollar amount. Once a certain threshold is reached, full coverage kicks in and the plan becomes fully-funded.

Companies would purchase this plan and then immediately sue the insurance company for failure to pay claims. The insurance company was not wrong. It was not supposed to pay claims until the deductible was met. But the company buying the insurance was not wrong either. The company had simply “heard” the terms of the plan differently and didn’t understand what it was buying.

We Only Hear that which Supports our Beliefs

As humans, we know certain facts to be true and we judge everything according to these truths. When we believe something to be true we look for information that supports that belief.

Information that runs counter to what we already know is dismissed as an anomaly. We know the world is round. If we find evidence that the world is flat, we automatically dismiss it. We do not try to assimilate it or change our belief that the world is round.

In my insurance example, both parties automatically filtered out information that didn’t make sense with what they already knew and they looked for information that supported what they already knew.

The company buying insurance might only hear what the agent was saying regarding insurance payments after the deductibles was met and the part about paying all of its own claims up until the deductible was met wasn’t heard because didn’t fit within the schema of what an insurance plan looked like.

Similarly, the agent selling the plan only heard questions in terms of his understanding and could not really “hear” what the company was asking because both parties assigned different definitions to the same language.

The agent was not trying to conceal the terms of the plan. The company wasn’t trying to have the insurance company provide more than what was purchased. Quite simply, both parties were working from their own perspective.

The agent couldn’t see the company’s point of view and the company couldn’t see the agent’s point of view. The result was that two parties would come together and form a contact based on their own experiences and assumptions, without ever seeing things from the others perspective. Neither party was wrong. In fact, they were both right!

Relativism and Truth

Although we understand this intellectually, our world is very black and white and we are routinely called upon to make judgments and decisions based on the facts. This hit home for me this month, when my parents called me from Australia to wish me a happy birthday. They called me on my birthday, but it wasn’t my birthday!

Well, it was in Australia but in Colorado it was the day before my birthday! I could have argued with them until I was blue in the face that they called me on the wrong day and they could have argued that they called me on the right day. We both would have been firmly convinced that we were right and could have pointed to concrete facts that fully supported our arguments. We were both right and wrong, but the facts were relative.

Our challenge is to move from an intellectual understanding of this to a fully integrated practice of this in our daily life. All reality truly is relative, and letting go of our need to assert our own reality awakens us to the infinite other realities that are out there for us to enjoy.

Real Solutions for Real Growth

by Lora | Oct 17, 2016 | Mind

The Subconscious Mind and Why New Year’s Resolutions Rarely Work

If making a New Year’s Resolution really worked, every year you and all your friends would be happier, healthier and in better shape. In reality, most of us always stay about the same.

When we make decisions we make them with the conscious portion of our brain. On a conscious level we fully intend what we decide, but unless the subconscious mind is on board, our resolution can only go as far as our conscious mind can take it. Because our conscious mind is only about 11% of our mind’s power, we are only successful approximately 11% of the time.

The key to making real change lies in the subconscious mind, which represents approximately 88% of the mind’s power. The subconscious mind is like a computer’s operating system, constantly running in the background and impacting all other “programs” installed over it. The subconscious mind stores and remembers everything we have seen, heard, felt or experienced, regardless of whether or not we remember it consciously.

For example, we typically don’t remember too much from our early childhood, but our childhoods influence us significantly.

How Your Past Influences the Present

Here’s how it works. On a conscious level you resolve to lose weight and get in shape. You know that there many health benefits to losing weight and getting in shape and you want to look and feel differently too. You stay on track for about two weeks then you fall off the wagon. What happened? Here’s how the subconscious mind may have derailed you.

Perhaps your parents divorced when you were little and it was extremely stressful for you, even though you don’t really remember too much about it. Because your mother had recently given birth to your baby brother her weight loss coincided with the breakup of the family.

Even though her weight loss wasn’t the cause of the divorce, you subconsciously associated “weight loss” with “losing my family.” As an adult you may not remember much about this time in your life, but subconsciously you believe that your marriage will break up if you lose weight. Therefore, the 88% of your brain that believes this will do everything in its power to prevent you from losing weight.

How to Overcome Subconscious Blocks

Just because a subconscious block exists doesn’t mean you are forever doomed to failure. Subconscious blocks can be removed with a little bit of gentle but persistent effort, like this:

Consciously state your resolution. Can you imagine or visualize yourself achieving this resolution? If not, how far can you get? Note what’s scaring you, no matter how silly it may seem. For example, if you are strapped for money, you may realize that losing weight requires you to buy new clothes. If this expense is not feasible for you at this time, your subconscious mind will make sure that you succeed by failing to drop a single pound.

Explore your personal history and family beliefs. Does your family/culture/religion have a belief that runs counter to the resolution that you are making? In your family are “good mothers” soft and plump? Is love shown through feeding, cooking and eating with each other? If you lose weight, will it change the way you relate to your family? Subconsciously you might not want this to happen.

Is there any secondary gain that you are receiving? What’s the up-side to being heavy or out of shape? Do you enjoy the way people take care of you because of your weight or lack of fitness? If you believe that nobody will come over and help you anymore if you are fit and healthy, your subconscious may block your efforts.

How will achieving your goal impact other important relationships? Is your spouse the jealous sort? Will your job as a taste tester at the candy store be threatened? What other changes will result from you achieving your goal?

Obviously some of my examples are silly, but hopefully they have helped you see just how silly and irrational the subconscious mind can be. Work through these questions in your head or in a journal. Simply identifying and exposing them gives your conscious mind the ability to find solutions. It isn’t going to happen overnight and it does require a lot of honesty but exposing our blocks to the light will always lessens their hold on us.

It IS All in Your Head

by Lora | Oct 17, 2016 | Mind

The Mind Controls the Body – Manifesting Thoughts Into Reality

Have you ever dreamed that you slipped, and jerked so hard you woke yourself up? Have you been so nervous that you jumped in a movie? I cried so hard reading the last chapter of Marley and Me that I was afraid I’d ruin the book! These are my favorite illustrations of the power of the mind. Just like in Star Wars, while The Force may be stronger in some, everyone has the ability to use it to change their lives.

Whether you call it “The Force,” “The Power of the Mind,” or “The Law of Attraction,” it all sounds magical, New Age-y and science fiction. Some popular book titles seem too good to be true: Think and Grow Rich, The Secret and Ask and it is Given. While the content of these books may be accurate, unless you understand the power of the mind in very simple, everyday terms, it is difficult to understand or believe how one can truly grow rich simply by thinking about it.

Practice Makes Perfect!

In learning any new skill, the skill needs to be broken down slowly and methodically, with easier steps being mastered before more difficult steps are shown. For example, we learn our numbers before we learn to add. We learn to add before we subtract and we learn to multiply before we divide. Only after these concepts have been mastered do we move into algebra. We walk before we run.

People fail at using the power of their mind because they jump in and try to manifest sports cars, beach homes and millions of dollars before they have learned the basics.

Your Basic Jedi Mind Training starts right here, today!

Remember the examples above of dreaming, watching movies and reading books? When we dream, a story takes place in our mind. The dream can be positive or negative, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the fact that our mind is so caught up in the story that our bodies and emotions react. We react to a stimulus that isn’t really there!

We jerk in an attempt to catch our balance, but we were never falling in the first place. We wake up from a nightmare legitimately scared and upset, but nothing has happened to warrant our angst. We are reacting physically and emotionally to thoughts alone. Remember crying at a movie? Or laughing? Or jumping in fright? At no time while we are watching a movie are we in danger, but our belief in the story is so strong that it causes us to cry, feel devastated, get nervous or even jump.

Don’t Try, Do

Your Jedi Mind Training begins by picking something small and positive to get worked up about it. Make up a simple, new reality and practice buying into it. Create a positive new idea or belief and let it take over to the point that you experience positive emotions or actions as a result of your belief.

It’s more than pretending and faking it, it’s believing it to the point that your emotions and body act independently of your conscious thought, in accordance with your new belief. That’s a pretty high bar, but if you’ve ever cried at a movie, been scared by a story or woken from a dream with your heart pounding, you know you are capable of it.

Start Small and Build up Slowly

Start small, practice often and don’t forget to go back to basics when you need to. If you are having trouble creating a certain emotion in your mind, watch a movie that elicits the same emotion you are trying to create. Remind yourself what the emotional and physical connections regarding that new idea feels like, and keep practicing.

No, you may never get to the point where you can feel a sports car, a mansion and a million dollars, but all that means is that deep down inside, those things aren’t that meaningful to you anyway, or you would be able to connect with them. Focus on what you can connect with for now. Feel love, joy, peace, excitement or any positive emotion that you can and go from there.

Think and create using the power of your mind on such a deep level that you react physically and emotionally to your thoughts and creations. Walk before you run, and prepare for all the wonderful changes that you are about to create.

May the Force be with you!

Tis the Season to Enjoy

by Lora | Oct 17, 2016 | Mind

‘Tis The Season to Enjoy Your Food – How to Eat Less and Enjoy it More!

How to Eat Less and Enjoy it More

Ahh, December! The month where you get to eat and drink a bunch of things that are normally not available. Egg nog, Christmas cookies, latkes, peppermint everything. Eating special foods is part of the fun of the holidays, and I am here to encourage you to eat everything you want this. Why? Because you should! However, I’m going to teach you a new way of doing things. I’m going to teach you HOW to eat all of these delectable morsels so you enjoy them more, but eat far less.

Even better, as a holiday present to you, I’m proving a self-hypnosis audio file on using the Three Bite Method. Listen to this file as often as you need, but it is especially useful to listen to before attending parties where tons of yummy food will be available.

Sound too good to be true? It’s not! It’s all based on fact and it’s surprising simple.

Our taste buds are like any other sense organ in our bodies. They get desensitized by too much stimulation. This means that the first three bites of anything that you eat or drink taste the best. For those three bites you are fully able to taste your food. After those three bites, however, you begin losing your ability to truly taste your food. Sure you still taste it, but the subtleties and complexities are gone. If you are truly a foodie, why would you continue eating?

Newton’s First Law of Motion

Ever heard of Newton’s First Law of Motion-a body in motion tends to stay in motion? This applies to eating too. Once we begin eating, we simply continue eating until the thing that we are eating is gone. We literally enter a hypnotic state and we plow through, with little to no thought about how our food actually tastes or how our bodies feel.

If you truly love food, you will love using the Three Bite Rule!

Knowing all of this, your job is to tune in to the first three bites of whatever it is you are eating or drinking. Fully sense the food. Smell it, notice the texture, the sound, the feel of the food in your mouth and on your teeth. Enjoy it, knowing that you only get three bites worth of food before the experience starts to diminish. After three bites, quit eating. Have some water, take a few breaths and choose which food you want to eat next. Remember, you only get three bites to fully experience and enjoy this next food, so make sure they count.

Be sure never to waste those first three bites while you are distracted. Get off the phone, turn off the TV and really taste what you are eating.

Food is sooooo Good!

You will find that you can sample just about everything at the holiday buffet this way and never feel overly stuffed. If you are eating out, you suddenly have the privilege of taking your meal home and enjoying it all over again. If you are eating at home, feel free to go back and get seconds or even thirds of your dinner an hour or so after you have let your palate rest and clear.

From this point forward you will find yourself eating less, but enjoying it far more!

False Expectations – Unrealistic Expectations in Life

by Lora | Oct 17, 2016 | Mind

False Expectations, Mass Shootings, the Obesity Epidemic and Chronic Unhappiness

The Land of Opportunity

I recently read that false expectations were one of the reasons why we have mass shootings in the US. The article pointed out that the United States is the “The Land of Opportunity” and that the rhetoric here is that we are capable of achieving “The American Dream” if only we work hard enough.

The article cited a survey of young adults on their expectations for the future. All of them believed that they had what it took to lead successful, happy and prosperous lives. Many of them also believed that they would be famous or very well-known due to their accomplishments.

In contrast, young adults in every other industrialized country believed that they would fight poverty, become ill, face war or extreme political conflict and would not necessarily achieve career satisfaction. Very few believed that they would be famous or well-known for their accomplishments. Regardless of this dour view of life, the overall life-happiness rating of these other countries was higher than that of the US.

The article concluded that unrealistic expectations of what one’s life resulted in feelings of extreme failure and disillusionment, causing a myriad of psychological problems, including the “need” for some to commit mass murders as an outlet of their feelings of disillusionment and as a surefire path to fame.

Happily Ever After…

It reminded me of advice we were given when we were newly married. That marriage was about learning how to be miserable, so get used to it. We were told to expect good times, but to know that a lot of times our marriage was just going to be mediocre and sometimes we were going to be downright miserable.

We were warned that fights or disagreements weren’t always resolved by bedtime and that there would be weeks, months or even years where we didn’t like each other. It didn’t mean it was over, it just meant that we were living a normal life; and that the good parts would be sweeter because of our struggles.

At the time we thought “our love” was better than that, but it wasn’t. In hindsight, we probably stayed married because of that advice. We didn’t freak out during the weeks and months of being disgusted and irritated with each other because we expected it and we knew it was a normal.

What if we knew that we were supposed to spend a life time working to keep their bodies and minds fit and healthy? What if we knew that depression and frustration were normal? What if we expected to sometimes hate our job or be treated unfairly or not know what to do with our kids or aging parents? What if we knew that staying healthy and fit was a life-long commitment that we would constantly have to work at?

Realistic or Cynical?

Cynical? Maybe, but I think we’d all be happier and healthier that way. Comparing ourselves to fitness models and photo-shopped celebrities is cruel. 90% of diet and exercise videos, classes and books fill us with false expectations that set us up to fail. Wouldn’t it be easier to know what to expect? Wouldn’t it be nice to know that falling off the wagon periodically is normal and expected and the only thing that matters is climbing back on again?

I know I’d be happier and better prepared if I knew what to expect.

Reconnecting With Your Inner Child

by Lora | Oct 17, 2016 | Mind

What is the Inner-Child Anyway?

Why is it that we hear so much about our inner-child? After all, we aren’t children anymore, so why do we care? Much of our subconscious programming develops from childhood and regardless of whether our childhood was a nightmare or a glorious dream, as adults it benefits us to be able to know where our programming comes from so we can live our lives as we’d like to live and not be encumbered by outdated childhood beliefs or trauma.
Although some inner-child work can be heavy and dark, this exercise is about focusing on the positive aspects of our childhood and reconnecting with the pure, creative joy of play. This work is begun by taking a field trip or two. An actual field trip is best but a virtual one will do in a pinch. This is a field trip to a place that you enjoyed as a child. Whether it’s a toy store, a park, the beach or a library, take an hour so reconnecting with something that you enjoyed as a child.

Adult Field Trip!

If you loved toys, plan a field trip to the most captivating toy store you can find. It can be a big chain store or a tiny boutique as long as it sparks excitement in your soul. The idea is to find a toy store that reconnects you to the feel of how you used to play.

First, go to the section with the toys that are the most familiar to you. If you loved dolls, go to the doll section. If you were into games, peruse the games. Look at the toys, pick them up and notice how they feel in your hands. Smell them, listen to the sounds they make and remember how you played with them. Can you imagine taking the boat in the bath tub with you now? Would you sail it around and create a story line in your head or would it be a struggle to remember how to play and what to do?

Once you have thoroughly played around in a section you are familiar with, move on to sections that are new to you. If you were never into sports, check out the sporting goods. See if there is anything there you are curious about trying now. With fresh eyes, wander around the whole store, imagining how you could play with these different toys and exploring all there is to explore.

Pretend you are a kid who has just been given a million dollars to spend in this store. What would you buy? Imagine that you have no other obligations and that your only job is to play with as many toys as you can. What all would you do? If you are really enjoying this, feel free to treat yourself to a doll or a Lego set so you can spend some time actually playing. No matter what you choose, connect to the joy, relaxation or creativity you felt when you played.

Playground Fitness Fun

Another way to go about this assignment is to visit a park, a playground or the beach and to play on the equipment, kick a ball around, splash in the surf or build sand castles. This is especially nice because it puts you outside in nature and it’s got the added bonus of being a physical activity. Jump rope while chanting some jump rope songs in your head, play jacks, draw with sidewalk chalk, blow bubbles or go down the slide. Anything works as long as it gets you happy and excited!

As you play, notice what comes up. Is it difficult for you to relax? Do you feel silly, bored, like you are wasting your time, or does it make you happy? Is the whole concept of play difficult for you? Why? Don’t try to change your feelings, just notice them. Notice the voices in your head as you play. Are they yours, “this is silly, I don’t understand this” or do you hear your father telling you to “grow up and do something productive with your time” or your brother telling you that “only babies play with dolls?

Many of us have unresolved feelings or judgment around play and this exercise helps get us in touch with those feelings. Playing requires us to relax and let the creativity flow, and until we can allow play back into our lives, we remain out of touch with the creative flow of the Universe.
After going on your field trip, you might remember being six and wanting to be a princess in a tower. You might remember being thirteen and wanting to be a rock star or you might remember a lifelong desire to be a mermaid. The feasibility of your dreams and desires is irrelevant. What matters is letting your heart and soul connect to the glorious flow of universal possibility and the allowing our dreams to take flight.

If you remember things that brought you joy, but you have no idea how to bring being a mermaid into your life, don’t worry! This inner-child work is about enjoying the magic and trusting that all will be taken care of. Relax, play, love, laugh and stay connected to all that makes you happy. Inner-child work doesn’t have to be dark and deep in order to be successful, sometimes we simply have to allow ourselves to play.

Follow my blog, find me on Facebook at Flaunting Fitness or Pyramid Fusion. Listen to my radio show, FLAUNT! Build Your Dreams, Live Your Sparkle at http://dreamvisions7radio.com/flaunt/ contact me at

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Things That Go Bump in the Night – Fears vs. Phobias

by Lora | Oct 16, 2016 | Mind

What are YOU Afraid of?

Everyone has things that they are afraid of. Whether we are completely paralyzed by our fears or we’re daredevils who fear nothing, everyone has something that they are afraid of. Having fear is a normal, healthy and natural part of life because it keeps us safe, preserving our life and health.
What is not healthy however, is forgoing activities, events and experiences that we wish to have, due to our overwhelming fear. The first step in overcoming our fear is figuring out whether we are suffering from a fear or a phobia. In a nutshell, a fear is something that we are afraid of because we have had a bad experience with it and a phobia is something we are afraid of for no real reason.